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Craziest Crimes Committed by (Not So) Bosslike Criminals

This is not a list of serial killers or murder-rapists, although they are probably the craziest criminals of all time. Instead we’ve chosen these insane crimes based on the finesse or idiocy needed to execute them. Let’s get right to it!

#7: Hypnosis Robbery


This one is insane and you’d think it would be extremely unique, but there is a multitude of stories outlining crimes where hypnosis was used to rob people. Our minds are blown at how easily these criminals are able to put someone in a trance and then get them to hand over cash, jewelry, etc. without even having to use a weapon.

Now we’re not saying you should rob people (obviously), but if you were to do it anyhow… hypnosis would be a very efficient way to pull it off. Good luck learning how to hypnotize people as well as these hypnotic crime bosses.

#6: Shotgun Tree Trimming

In 2011 around Christmas, 66-year-old William E. Robinson decided it was time to cut down some mistletoe in the local mall’s parking lot. While that isn’t a very crazy crime in itself, using a double-barrel 12-gauge shotgun to do so makes it one of the most insane crimes we’ve ever heard of! Can you imagine walking back to your car in the mall parking lot, after a grueling day of Xmas shopping, only to find some crazy old man shooting mistletoe out of a tree?! Bill dun goof’d.

#5: Gas Station Banana Thief

Earlier this year, the man pictured above backed his car through the glass doors of a gas station and proceeded to eat a banana. That’s it. He stole a banana, ate it in the gas station (captured on security camera) and left. I guess we could say he stole a banana… LIKE A BOSS!

#4: Duct Tape Bandit

In 2007, Kasey G. Kazee (pretty cool name) – at the tender age of 25 – decided it would be a brilliant idea to fashion a mask out of duct tape to rob an eastern Kentucky liquor store. By the time he was caught, he had been sweating so much that it wasn’t even difficult to remove the duct tape. He was sentenced to 10 years in prison.

#3: Beer is My Coffee

When 58-year-old Phillip Jordan was arrested for his 9th DUI last year, he told officers, “Beer is my coffee.” We really can’t think of a better thing to say in that situation. While we don’t condone drunk driving, we do condone hilarious comments in a terrible situation. BEER IS MY COFFEE should be a slogan on a t-shirt for proud alcoholics (because no one likes a quitter).

#2: Grand Theft Tank

 


If you want to squash cars like bugs and knock over utility poles (so people in the area lose power in their homes), then stealing a tank from a military base is a really great idea. And that’s just what Shawn Nelson did in 1995!

When US Army veteran and unemployed plumber Shawn Nelson found himself addicted to meth at age 35, he thought it would be a fantastic idea to steal an M60 Patton tank from the National Guard in San Diego and go on an epic rampage. Cops chased him through the city for 23 minutes (WHAT?!) – as he leveled numerous vehicles and just about anything else in his path – and only a freeway median was able to put a stop to his destructive frenzy.

He was attempting to cross the median into oncoming traffic, when he got stuck. During his effort to get the tank over the median, he was shot in the shoulder and eventually died in the hospital. Luckily the tank didn’t have any ammo or he could’ve done much more damage. No one except Shawn himself died due to the tank rampage, but it’s still one of the craziest crimes ever.

#1: Robbing Chuck Norris

Well… trying to. In 1994, two criminals armed with knives decided they could mug Chuck Norris. They couldn’t. When police arrived, the two men were sitting on the curb with broken arms. The fractures were so bad, they had pieces of bone sticking out! One of the failed muggers said, “Yeah, we knew who he was! We figured all that crap on TV was fake!” It wasn’t.

The Chuck Norris Facts are no joke. He actually holds black belts of various degrees in multiple martial arts and was Bruce Lee’s best student! Don’t mess with him or he’ll snap your arms in half like a boss! The only truly surprising part of that story is that Chuck Norris didn’t simply stare at them until they exploded.

 

And with that, we end our list of the craziest crimes. Share this with everyone you know and let us know if we missed the craziest crime you’ve ever heard of!

About Sascha Brian

Sascha Brian
Known around here as "the German", I am indeed German, but have also spent some time traveling the world. With 10 years of my life spent in the United States, rumor has it that I may even know how to grill a great burger. I don't wear socks with sandals any longer, but I still drink beer and eat sauerkraut like a German. When I'm not writing about motivational and inspirational people on Like A Boss, I can usually be found lifting things up and putting them back down in my garage gym (a.k.a. the dungeon).

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